The unified cutlery theory will never work because the electroweak interactions of knorks will never allow the elementary particles of a spife to fuse with it. Trust me, I took 3 years of utensil physics.
"Those to whom evil is done
Do evil in return."
W. H. Auden
"The world is a dangerous place to live in: not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it."
Albert Einstein
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."